This Is What Happens When My Officers Get Bored

This is an actual police report from one of the officers at the Lilburn Police Department. God help us all. Haha

It was late in the morning and there was a crisp wind out of the Southeast. The sun had just burned the morning dew off of the bright green grass. There was a touch of honeysuckle and jasmine in the air. It appeared to be a usual spring day, but not for Buella Moen. Not this day. She was gardening this day, like she does most days, when she was confronted by a curious furry creature. The beast emerged from the wood line with discontent in his eyes and foam in his mouth. As he approach Buella could see that this was no ordinary raccoon. On the contrary, he was a raccoon with a mission. He appeared injured at first and Buella contemplated helping the poor critter. When she tried to get closer the foaming beast leaned back and swung his dark, dirty claws at her helping hand. Buella drew back and tried to gather herself after her brush with death. The snarling beast also withdrew and lay down in a near by hosta which Buella had just planted. Now Buella knew that this was very uncharacteristic of raccoons. They are normally reclusive nocturnal animals that shy away from human contact. She thought for a moment and decided to call for help.

Our hero received the call and sprung into action. He was no typical man. He prided himself on protecting and serving his fellow citizens. When he heard of the terrible injustice that had taken place he knew he had to be the one to respond. Although he had never met Buella Moen personally he knew of her and knew that if she needed assistance the situation was dire. He arrived in a matter of moments and found Buella frightened and alone. He ran to her side as she pointed out the location of the estranged brute. When our hero approached the beast it drew back and swung his dark claws at him as he did to Buella. The animal showed no favoritism. After quickly assessing the situation our hero determined that the creature had to be put down, for he knew that if it were to escape an innocent citizen might not be as lucky as he and Buella. He drew out his firearm and approached the animal again, but this time with a steady hand. He was mindful of his surroundings when he took aim. He made sure there was nothing in the background so as not to be struck with a wondering bullet if he were to miss his target. Slowly he lined up his sights. He kept telling himself that he had to focus on his front sight and not miss. When he thought it was safe he fired one single round into the animal. The shot rang out and echoed throughout the city. Buella, who had taken refuge into her home, shuttered at the sound. The animal lay motionless before him. Our hero knew that he had done the right thing. When she thought it was safe Buella sprang from her home with open arms. When she reached our hero she found him sad and without joy. She was confused. She saw a lone tear fall from his eye and come to rest on his cheek. “Why do you cry?” she said with a quivering tone.  He looked at her and said, “I get no joy from taking the life of one of God’s creatures, even if it was not in it’s right mind.” Buella knew then that our hero was a compassionate man and was full of life. He slowly turned away from the animal and walked toward the front of her home. As he looked back he could be seen mouthing the words “Good by little one.” He then turned and was never heard from again. No one knows what happened to our hero. Some say he is in the taxidermy business, others say he just sits around the house. But those of us who had an encounter such as his know that it changes you forever.